The 3 things stopping you from making money!

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We're going to start today's podcast off with a little bit of bad news.

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It really doesn't matter how good you get at making money. If

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you don't heal your relationship with money, you're not likely to hold

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onto it for long. Hi, I'm Katie McManus, business strategist and

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money mindset coach, and welcome to the Weeniecast.

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So what's actually keeping you from making money and not just making

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money, but keeping it? Accumulating actual wealth.

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Now, oftentimes, my clients will start with me, and we'll

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talk about their business, and we'll talk about their offer, and I'll have

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to coach them through not being a weenie and raising their

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prices and creating offers that are high ticket. And

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all of that is well and good and necessary to making a lot of

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money. However, that's not the whole

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story. There's actually a whole slew of other

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things that can keep you from making more money and keeping

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it. And today, I want to dive into these things. They

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happen for so many people.

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So if you're going through one of these things or multiple, know that you're

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not alone. Okay. There's a reason why it's common enough that I'm bringing it up

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on the weenie cast. I want to also acknowledge before

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we dive into these things, that being good with money

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is not a willpower thing. It's not something that you're just not trying

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hard enough with. It's something that is affecting

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you on a nervous system level. It's affecting you

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on a subconscious level. There are things

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that you learned about money before you could even speak, before you

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could even crawl. There's an energetic exchange you had with

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your caretakers about what it meant to have money,

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and you can't willpower yourself out of that. You also can't

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just simply read a book and be better at it. So have

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a big old bucket of compassion for yourself. As I go through

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this, if there's anything that's a little like, oh,

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that's a sore spot for you, take a moment and really feel through the

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feelings there. Oftentimes, you know, it's that sense of

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anxiety when we talk about money that creates this barrier to

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more money coming to our lives, when we don't give that anxiety

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power, when we're like, oh, cool, I'm feeling anxiety. Wow. All

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right, where am I feeling this anxiety in my body and what's happening for me?

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And we really process it. It makes it far easier to

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talk about money, to work through our money garbage. And to learn

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that, like, money's not evil and being quote

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unquote bad with money is not the end of the world. And to

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really take the charge away from the money conversation.

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Okay, so do you have your big bucket of compassion? Great.

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So first and foremost, let's talk about fear of money and

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dealing with money. Now, fear can show up in

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two different ways depending on what your money archetype is. And if you want to

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learn more about money archetypes, I did a whole bonus episode. So if you go

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back to the one after episode 87, you can learn more about

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that. There are two ways in which fear shows up in your

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relationship with money. Number one is my favorite

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avoidance. Just not looking at your bank account, just kind of

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like, I'm just going to trust that everything's going to be okay and it'll be

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all be fine. And just kind of like hoping and praying when you give your

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credit card to the person at the grocery store. That was basically

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my whole twenties. So that is one way in which

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we have fear show up in our relationship with money. On the

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extreme opposite side, there is a level of hyper vigilance.

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So someone who has a lot of fear with their money, they're

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constantly checking their bank balance, they're constantly

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checking their credit card statement. They are so aware of where

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each and every penny that they own is at all times.

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And of course, there are elements of that that are positive, and there are

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elements almost of the avoidance bit where there's a lot of optimism that is

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also kind of positive. However, we want to find

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a happy medium, all right? We want to take the charge away,

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that anxiety, that fear, and

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have our checking in on money not

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elicit negative feelings. So I want to use an example here because

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I know everyone gets, like, really crunchy and tight when we talk about money. That'll

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also make you crunchy and tight, but hopefully won't be super relevant to what you're

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doing right now. Public speaking. If you're not a

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big public speaker, if you don't do it often, maybe you don't do it often

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because you're afraid of getting up on stage and talking to a bunch of

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people. Avoiding it is not going to help.

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Avoiding it is just going to keep you being bad at it. And of course

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you're avoiding it because you're afraid. You're afraid of getting up on stage and making

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a mistake and looking stupid and looking out into the audience and seeing them fall

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asleep or look angry. Or maybe you're really into, like,

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Disney cartoons and you're afraid they're going to throw like old cabbages at

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you. The only way

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to deal with your fear of public speaking is to go

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and speak publicly. It's the only way. You have to

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desensitize yourself to it. And this is

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really how we deal with that avoidant type of

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fear. We have to just give you little baby steps

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to go and try the thing. So, for instance, if you were wanting to

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get better at public speaking, one of the exercises you might do if you were

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to join, say, toastmasters, is they have all these different

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games that you play where you're speaking publicly because you're answering a question

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or you're following a prompt, but you're not in front of the

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room speaking, you're just talking in a

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room full of people who are listening. And often it's something very

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silly. And I think there's this

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misconception when it comes to facing our fears, that when we face our fears,

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we have to go for the most extreme option. Right, when we face our fears.

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If you're afraid of heights, like, we're going to go jump out of planes. No,

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no, that's dumb. If you're afraid of heights, let's get you a little four foot

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ladder and get you comfortable up top. Let's make you

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feel like you're not going to die at 4ft, and then let's go up to

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6ft. Let's figure out ways for you to deal with that fear of heights.

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Let's figure out smaller ways for you to deal with that fear of public

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speaking. And let's find smaller ways for you to

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deal with your fear of dealing with your money.

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Oftentimes, you know, people think, okay, well, if I'm so bad with

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money, I have to go and get a financial advisor so that they can deal

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with my money. But then the next thought immediately is like, oh, my God. But

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then they're gonna know what a show I am, they're gonna see all this stuff,

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and then they're gonna judge me. And of course, like, it makes logical

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sense that that should be the way that you deal with your money. You should

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hand it off to someone. But if that is just a

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scary, if having someone else see behind the curtain

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of all the things that you've been doing, you're not going to do it.

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So while it might make sense, it's not good advice.

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And one of the things that I work with a lot of my clients on

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are what are the smaller things that we can do to

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desensitize you to the fear of your money. What are the

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small actions you can take? You know, for some of my

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clients, it's literally logging into their bank account

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and checking their balance once a week and doing so after, like,

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a gratitude meditation and doing some journaling on

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it. And sometimes, like, giving them full permission to give me a

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call afterwards if they need to be talked off the ledge. It's not just

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people who are broke who are terrified of their money. There are

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some really successful people who are great at

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making money, who are also afraid to check in on their money. Just

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because you feel avoidant and afraid of your money doesn't mean

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that you're a failure. It doesn't mean that you're not going to be successful. It

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just means you have some fear. And where that fear comes from, we're going to

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get into in a minute. For the hyper

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vigilant fear type, the work is a little opposite.

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The work is far more around. When that fear comes up, when

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that urge to check your bank balance comes up,

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checking in with yourself, noticing. Okay, cool. Where is

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this fear coming from? Do I have a fear that I'm not going to be

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able to make my rent payment this month? Okay, cool. So I have

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a fear around being unhoused. Great. And then if I'm

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unhoused, then it'll make it really hard for me to get mail. I

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don't know. Like, our brains love to latch onto random

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things that can happen in the world and just channel all of the fear

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that we could possibly experience towards that thing. And for the

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hypervigilant type, learning how to process that fear

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without checking the bank balance is going to be the practice.

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Learning to dial back to maybe just checking it once a day and then maybe

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a couple times a week. For those avoidant types, it's almost like

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you have, like, an overdose of optimism that has an

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undercurrent of scarcity. You're just always optimistic that it's going

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to work out, but you're so afraid of checking because you're, like, pretty sure

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that you're really skating that line. For those who are hyper

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vigilant, however, it's all about scarcity. There's not going

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to be enough. There's not going to be enough. Oh, my God, there's $5 less.

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And I thought, oh, that's right, I bought a coffee. Just because you have fear

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around money does not in itself mean that you're bad with money. It means that

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you're a human who's been raised in a world that has

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literally taught you to be afraid of money. And not to

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mention, we'll get to this in a little bit. If you have ADHD,

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there's also been a ton of messaging about how people with ADHD are

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impulsive and they're bad with money and

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they're far more likely to go into credit card debt and so on and so

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forth. What we're told about our own identity, we do

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accept. If I tell you that you're a Gemini and being a

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Gemini means this, this, this and this, you're gonna believe it.

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It's just human. We love being told, you know, who we are and

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how we're special and especially how we're f ed up. I want to know all

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of it. There's a reason why there are so many different like which

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Hogwarts house, are you a part of tests

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online? Because people love to be

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categorized. You take it on as identity. I'm a Gryffindor,

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thank you very much. Ex speliarmus. So when someone tells you that you have

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ADHD and then gives you a whole list of traits that go along with it,

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one of those traits being you're bad with money, guess what you

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accept as truth. And of course, I just want to acknowledge, again,

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just listening to this podcast and learning about fear and oh my gosh, I'm an

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avoidant fear type when it comes to money. That alone is not going to make

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you better with it. It's not going to take the fear away. It's going to

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give you some awareness. But there's a lot of work that you have to do.

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A lot of this work is what I do in my byob. Build

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your own business group programs and with my one on one clients

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and it takes a long time and the work is never done.

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Working on your relationship with money is kind of like being in good

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physical shape. Unfortunately, you can't work out for

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three months straight and be in the best shape of your life and then just

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be fit for the rest of your life. There's a reason why I've decided that

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if vampires are real, then I plan on devoting myself to a

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very serious workout regime for several months

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and then going and finding a vampire and be like, cool, turn me now. Turn

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me now while I'm in the best shape. I would like to be this way

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for eternity, thank you very much. Your relationship with money

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is going to be something that you're going to have to constantly work on and

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bad news, new level, new devil. Once you work through one thing,

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there's going to be more stuff until it gets easier.

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But let me tell you, it's worth it. It's 100% worth it.

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Okay, so now that we've talked about fear, let's go into something that's a little

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more serious. Oh, what am I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep

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listening to find out. But first, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel,

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squirrel.

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Let's talk about trauma. There's a lot of trauma associated with

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money, and I'm talking big t trauma, like

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a history of financial abuse and little t

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trauma, where maybe four year old, you

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overheard your parents fighting about money and started feeling

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unsafe. Now, trauma does not come from actually being unsafe.

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Trauma like, it's not like you have to be in a hostage situation at a

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bank to start feeling a lot of trauma. You know,

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when we're children, anytime that we perceive

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the world around us as not being safe and secure, that can cause

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trauma. So mom and dad screaming at each other in the other

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room about one of them making a purchase and them not

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having the money to back it up, and maybe the check bounced. Your

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caretakers are now very scary to you, and as a

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four year old, you cannot differentiate them being mad at each

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other from them just being dangerous and not

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being the safe person that you know and love.

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Of course, we're not going to get into a trauma healing on a podcast.

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It's way too triggering for too many people. And I'm not going to go into

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details, but this is something that I do with a lot of my clients. I

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went through the trauma of money certification several years ago, and

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it was astounding to me the things that even though I had done

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a ton of work on my money relationship, that I literally

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took months to be able to do because of the trauma

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I'd experienced financially. The prime example of this was

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the very first exercise that program had us do, and it was a very

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simple exercise where you went through, they gave you a form and you had

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to do an inventory of all the subscription services that you were signed up

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for. So anything it could be with

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your business, personal, you had to make a whole inventory of them. So

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your Spotify subscription, Netflix, any

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business subscriptions that you have for maybe like your email

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marketing or your payment systems, your

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scheduler, all of it, you had to go through your bank

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balance. You had to really figure out what subscriptions you are a part of.

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And then you had to assess if it was something that you still used

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and if it was something that you still use, then you know, and you still

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liked and you still were happy with it, then you'd keep it.

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And if it was something that you didn't use, you know, you'd also ask

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yourself, why am I keeping this? Why am I staying?

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Signed up for this? And the answers to that question were

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fascinating. Oh, you know, like, one person had a subscription to

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Peloton, and they just really liked

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knowing that they had the option to do workouts, even though they

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used it very sporadically. Some people had signed up for stuff and forgotten. I know.

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We all know that that's a very ADHD thing to do, and it's so

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easy with all these apps that we could possibly sign up for. Some

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people went through their subscriptions and were like, oh, my God, I forgot I signed

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up to that thing. That's amazing. Yeah, I should start using that again.

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And it was just a great reminder of something that had just fallen out of

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sight, out of mind. When I was told that this was the first

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exercise, I was like, oh, cool, this will be easy. And the next day, when

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I was sitting down to do my homework for the certification, and

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I looked at this sheet, and then just the mere idea

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of logging into my credit card and my debit

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card accounts and looking to see how much I was spending on

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these subscriptions, I couldn't do it. I literally couldn't do it. I sat

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there for five minutes just feeling really uncomfortable and, like,

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a failure for not being able to do it. And I was certain

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that I was the only person who couldn't do it. I was certain that there

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was something wrong with me. I just, like, especially coming from

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someone who coaches others on their relationship with money, I felt like such a

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failure. Now, fast forward to the next week when we had our next call,

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and the teacher of the program asked, okay, who was

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able to do that? And I thought that question was really interesting, who

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was able to do that exercise?

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And only about a third of the class was able to raise their hand.

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Everyone else, you know, didn't really raise their

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hand. And some people had started it and then stopped like it was too much

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for them. But a lot of other people, like me, were

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not even able to start it. It

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felt too scary. And one of the things that we were taught,

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you know, early on in this program, is that when you have trauma around

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money, you can either get hyper vigilant about it,

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you can get hyper aroused. I know that that brings into mind another thing,

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but, like, your fear system, your nervous system gets hyper aroused, and you just, like,

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get into this, like, fight or flight mode, and that's not a great

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place to be working through your trauma, that's actually just going to re traumatize you

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on the opposite end, you start disassociating, you

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fawn, you completely check out emotionally. And

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that's also not a great place to work through trauma. Cause you're not actually working

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through it. You're just numbing. Where you want to be is in this

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window of resilience where your nervous system

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can be activated. You can absolutely feel

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unsettled, but you don't feel like you have to run away from

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it. Now this exercise, I tried doing it

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for, I want to say, like a month and a half I thought about it.

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I like really like had to process my emotions around, like, why it was so

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scary for me. Why was it so hard for me to go and do it?

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And it was very activating doing that.

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But going through that process where I literally was not able to do it

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was all incredibly healing, you know? So just like when we're dealing with

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basic fears around money, when we're dealing with trauma, we don't have

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to go to the extreme other end of the spectrum and do like the

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scariest thing we can think of. Literally, just thinking

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about, thinking about thinking about doing the thing

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can help us move towards healing. Now, if you

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have a great deal of trauma around money, I urge you to go and get

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some support, either from a trauma trained therapist and you want to be very

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specific to find a therapist who specializes with trauma.

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Or if you're. If you're curious about the trauma of money program, I'm going

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to link it in the show notes so you can go to

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weeniecast.com trauma of money and check

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it out. I can't recommend it enough. And of course,

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if you are wanting to start a business and you want to have an all

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in one little package, I do all of this within my programs. I help

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my clients through the trauma of money style of coaching. I

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don't offer therapy.

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The third thing that gets in people's way when it comes to

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making more money and keeping more money is their sense of

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worthiness. One of the top debates that I have with my clients is

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on their pricing how much money I think they should be

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charging for their work and how much money I know they

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can make from their work. And oftentimes what

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I'm debating with is not actually their higher

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self. It's not like the part of them that understands the value they

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provide. It's the part of them that thinks that there's a reason why they can't

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charge more. We're incredibly good at collecting

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evidence about why we're not good enough. It's kind of like

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that movie mean girls. You know, how, like, the popular girls have that burn

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book where they say all these nasty, mean things about everyone else.

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I mean, we all have that on ourselves.

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We all have a whole collection of

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memories and data and proof that we're not

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good enough, that there are other people who are better than us. That,

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like, of all of our failures, of all the times that we fell

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short. And it's especially prevalent

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for folks with ADHD because we aren't just getting this

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feedback verbally from people. We're not just

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having very clear instances of, like, falling short on stuff like,

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the world is not designed for us, you know, how the world

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is designed just does not work for us. So we don't thrive in it. We

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don't thrive with how other people organize their desks. We

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don't thrive with how schools organize their schedules. When we

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hear that being a part of the 05:00 a.m. club works for a bunch of

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other people and it doesn't work for us, that is a little failure.

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All these things, it's this constant gaslighting that we should

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be better, that it should be easier. Why is it so hard? Oh, it must

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just be your willpower. Oh, you must not be good enough. You must not be

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smart enough. And all of that garbage erodes

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at your sense of self worth, your sense of deserving.

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And oftentimes that corresponds with what you're willing to

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charge. Oftentimes it corresponds with how

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much money you allow yourself to keep at the end of the day.

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I've spoken with some really

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talented, incredible human beings

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who are kind and funny and intelligent and

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have decades of experience who've

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spent so much money on different aspects of their business

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to prove that they're worthy of the business.

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You can make hundreds of thousands of dollars in your business and spend

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all of it trying to prove that you're good enough. You can also

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completely under charge trying to get

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testimonials to prove that your work

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is good enough before you raise your rates. And if

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you're guilty of that, know that you're not alone. Most of the people who sign

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up for my programs do that in the beginning, but don't do it, because all

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it does is train people that you're really cheap.

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The last little bit here is I want to talk about your track record. You

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know, all the things that you've done in the past that, like, quote unquote,

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mean that you're bad with money. Maybe you're an impulsive

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shopper. Maybe you're one of those people who really enjoys going

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to target and just letting target speak to you, and all of a sudden you

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have a $300 bill. I obviously have never been there. I've

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never done that myself. Just kidding. I have totally done that. Maybe

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you're an emotional shopper. Maybe when you're feeling really stressed out, you learned

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early on that going and buying something makes you feel better,

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which, by the way, is actually a soothing mechanism. It is a

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self care mechanism that you learned early on. It's actually a trauma response

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in a lot of ways. Your track record of your salary up

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until now, you know, if you've been massively underpaid for

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most of your career, you've basically been told by every

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authority figure that you've known that you're not worthy enough, you're

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not worth more money. This is a big conversation that I have to have with

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clients who used to be teachers when they start their own business, because

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oftentimes we have to separate them from this pride

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of doing more work for less money. Because, I mean, that's what

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happens in the teaching profession. That's what happens in the nursing profession. Any

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profession where you're expected to give more and accept less, of

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course, pride is going to be associated with it because the human

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spirit cannot survive thinking that they

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can't be proud of what they're doing. So whether you've made really bad

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money choices in the past, whether you have some

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questionable spending habits, or whether you've had

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a history of being underpaid, yes, it's easy to take

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all that and be like, cool. Here's the evidence of how much money I deserve.

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Here's the evidence of what I can be trusted with. You can

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absolutely go with that story, or you can write a new

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one, because I want to remind you that your past does not

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determine your future. And of course, if you're struggling with any of this,

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if you aren't really sure how you're being held back by your relationship with

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money, if you have a lot of fear around charging

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more, how to keep your money, how to really feel

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safe and secure with money coming in, then I

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invite you to book a generate income strategy call with me. In this

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call, we'll really assess what's going on with your relationship with money, how it's

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impacting your business, and really creating limitations for you in the business.

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And if it makes sense, we can talk about a few of my programs where

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we work very heavily on your relationship with money. If you

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want to go and book that, then go to weeniecast.com

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strategycallen

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Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel.